An Indian Baby Shower!

As considered in all cultures, pregnancy and having a baby after marriage is considered to be a very holy thing. To celebrate this auspicious occasion, most cultures have a tradition of a baby shower where others bless the mother with well and warm wishes to have a healthy child and celebrate her ability to give birth to a new being.

In Hindu culture, a baby shower is usually held after the 7th month begins since the chances of pregnancy succeeding are then high! There is a series of events in this ceremony that are based on different encounters in life. Here’s an explanation of what we did in my baby shower held on a good day in November. This is one of the few religious ceremonies that doesn’t need a priest, instead is guided by the Mother-in-law. One of my husband’s friend’s mom happened to be in town that day to guide us. Most of the ceremonies till the end have participants belonging to my in-laws side of the family.

So here’s how it all began..

Lap Filling:In this ceremony, an odd number of married women (More than 3; who have never had a miscarriage) fill my lap with a small sample of grains (such as rice), money, beetles and other nuts as well as a coconut. These ingredients signify prosperity and health and filling a pregnant woman’s lap with this is a wish for her to be healthy  and prosperous for the rest of her life and have a healthy baby. With each woman filling my lap with it, I give it back to her (EVERY single grain, keeping nothing to myself each time as a selfless act) to wish her the same and celebrate her womanhood.

Now, the criteria of a “married woman” signifies that she has stepped into the marital world where she has the ability to or already has had a baby. “No miscarriages” signifies being complete (nothing left half baked). But I really didn’t take it so seriously to ask every woman if she has had a miscarriage because a miscarriage is not a woman’s fault! Come on! Odd number of women — This one I don’t really know. But that’s how most Indian traditions work, in odd numbers. The magic number is usually 5 or 7, but I went with 11 so most of my friends could participate. I believe that’s because the last one to fill my lap is usually the youngest bride who has not yet had a baby and so I can collect all the grains, etc. and keep it for myself. Postpartum, I eat all of the edible ingredients in that packet and must not share it since it was a blessing specially made for me and baby. In my case, Juhi was the last one to fill my lap. It is also considered good luck for her in case she wants to have a baby next.

A Good luck Charm:After this, a good luck charm was tied to my hands. It was made of silver and had a very small knife attached to it. The belief is that from now on, the most critical period of pregnancy has started where the baby is developed but not enough to be born before time, but we just officially confirmed the pregnancy to the whole community. So, in order to save me from bad eyes and to protect myself, a good luck charm is tied to my dominant hand. In my case, it was made of silver, just because! People go with whatever they can afford to show off I believe. This ceremony is usually done by my sister-in-law (i.e. husband’s sister)

I wore this charm until I went in labor. It is covered with a red cloth until then so it is not very visible and doesn’t hurt me.
A Slap from my Brother-in-Law:Back in the days, Indian families were huge and multiple generations lived together. Also, there were multiple siblings living together since there were so many of them in each family. So the younger brother-in-laws would usually get the love of a mother from their sister-in-law. But when a sister-in-law is pregnant and going to have a child of her own, there is a fun tradition where the youngest (or younger) brother-in-law gently slaps the sister-in-law. He puts an impression of vermilion on her cheek to say “now that you are going to have a baby of your own, don’t forget about your motherly love towards me”. It’s like you are pinching someone to bring them back to reality. The sister-in-law then slaps him back gently with vermilion to state the same. The vermilion indicates the pure and fun nature of this tradition and their relationship.

I did this with Deep’s friend who also happened to be from the same community as him and is slightly younger to him.

Practicing with a babyLast step before wrapping up – A young baby sits on my lap for a few minutes as I try to calm him/her down as a practice. I clearly did not succeed in this. But it is indicative of people’s blessings to have a happy healthy child and as a welcome to Parenthood.

Send-off the Mother-to-beIn most Indian communities, the belief is that the best care of Mother-to-be and mother postpartum can only be done in her maiden home by her mother. So after everyone within the in-laws family has blessed me with well and warm wishes, I am sent off with my brother to my home in my best interest. In India, my brother would be invited to come pick me up. However, I wasn’t really going anywhere from Des Plaines, IL :). So to honor the tradition, my friend (who is also like my brother) helped me get off the ‘honorary’ chair and just took me outside the hall.

Bringing the Mother and Baby back homeThis tradition is usually done after the baby is born and the mother feels comfortable to bounce back to her normal routine be it at work or come back at the in laws. The husband and the younger brother would then come pick me and the baby to bring me back home. However, I was not going or coming anywhere. Hence, to honor the tradition and to wrap up, Deep’s cousin just brought me back to the hall.

…and that’s what happened in my baby shower. Not all traditions were followed verbatim, but I tried to explain and reason wherever I could.