How to build Inclusion and Acceptance when you are an Over Achiever?

Are you a parent to young children who cringes when someone tells you how stressed and tired they are despite having no kids?

Are you a leader juggling multiple priorities during the day working 10 hours days and yet a gen-Z tells you they need a mental health day?

Do you find yourself cringing at parties when people around you are making normal life comments and you think they can’t keep up with your thought process so better not to say anything?

If that’s you (or like me), chances are you try and excel at everything, yet you feel there’s more to be done or accomplished. Which means you undervalue your own achievements and of those around you. This also means that when someone is putting in effort (big or small), you don’t value it until you see it done.

What does that lead to? It leads to a domino effect of unhappiness for you and those around you. People don’t enjoy working with you or being surrounded by you. And you only become a resource if absolutely needed.

You ask how? Well, even small children (actually, especially small children) can easily read body language and cues and feel the disappointment coming from you when they did something or showed you something. There’s a lot more than your body language says than you think.

So unless you genuinely feel accomplished or proud for someone, saying so without meaning it or directly discouraging someone and squashing them like a bug are both signs that you have a hard time accepting someone the way they are. But worry not! if you have read thus far, means you recognize what I’m trying to say and want to do something about it.

Actually, what to do about it? First of all, breathe, close of your eyes and imagine the next small outcome you want. Then open your eyes and read on this 3 STEP Process I have learnt:

Step 1: Accept yourself first! First of all, realize that there are higher achievers than you who are much less brilliant than you are. So, breathe because you are not in a competition. Rather, notice the steps you took to succeed on something. There is a pattern you’ve built and it came from past experiences. Even if you don’t remember, there was a muscle memory coming from past failures that led you here today. So accept this path, enjoy this learning, write it down because someone else can use it. It doesn’t take a genius to realize ones mistakes. It takes someone fully present and engaged that makes your mind taking notes at the back of the brain. This will make you more humble for efforts than proud of achievements.

Step 2: Gratitude! You may have achieved a lot than most people around you. But that’s not just because you were fully present. It was also because you are surrounded by loving, caring people who have all given something for your outcomes. Think of the time when your kids were playing at the neighbors so you could work on something. Think of a cup of coffee your partner made. You may even think ‘Nah! I had nothing in my name and no one ever loved me.’ But there was an angel human that gave you that first chance and noticed something in you. So take this in and feel the gratitude towards each of them. Even a simple act of kindness can alter your path and straighten your line, even if it is by a pixel or two.

Step 3: See the people for the potential in their hearts. Once you realize what and how many it took to get here, now its time to see that in others. To see that they are all onto something in life. Much different goals and skills than you, but the struggles of the heart and the mind are the same. Can you see the bottom of the struggle through the surface of their achievements? Much easier said than done, and it takes a lot of practice. But if you can practice steps 1 and 2, then step 3 happens almost by itself.

Now that you are on a path to self improvement, you will notice a shift in your own body language and how people feel around you. They will be more open and comfortable and you have a better chance at helping them succeed. Who knows? You will even learn a thing or two from them that will take you further. So invest in yourself and invest in others genuinely. As Albert Einstein once said “The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.” This was a huge realization for me as I grow and learn each day.

‘Til then, adios!