How to feel more accomplished as a woman!

It is no secret that women are multi-taskers, over-achievers and want it all. Yet, somehow we feel under-appreciated, taken for granted and less accomplished. We want it all, and we give everything our 120%. Yet, I noticed that our ‘want it all’ often becomes a ‘be it all’. That is, in pursuit of a better ‘everything’ today, we become that solve, for today. For me, I realized that one day when I was putting the kids to bed. But I felt like it was affecting me at work too.

One fine night, after finishing dinner, my husband started working on the dishes while I was supposed to get the kids to bed. Our goals and their success criteria were crystal clear. Except, that wasn’t enough for me and I started adding more chores to my backlog. I noticed there was so much work, that it would be good if I helped my husband clear the table. Then, I gave vitamins to my kids. Then I noticed a basket full of folded laundry that needed to be carried upstairs (along with gazillion other things I was already taking up). So I instructed my kids to go upstairs and start brushing their teeth and wearing their pjs while I juggled and planned with both hands how I was going to take everything upstairs! The engineers (I mean my kids) had a clear story written right? Well, wrong, they kept getting distracted, talking with each other, focusing on which toy they wanted for bed, etc. Meanwhile, I hung my purse on my shoulders, put my phone in the pocket, put a few things on top of the laundry basket and started heading up, when I realized the kids are still not upstairs. So this time, I raised my voice and asked them to get upstairs and follow the instructions.

Once we were up, the kids were almost onto brushing their teeth when I noticed the humidifier needed a water refill, some toys had to be picked up, the folded laundry had to be put away. I also realized that there was more in the washer that needed to be transferred to dryer. So instead of delegating, I went back down, quickly transferred it and came back up. While I was expecting my engineers to be already working on the next ticket (i.e. wear their pjs), they were waiting on me to tell them which one? ‘Ahh’ I gasped, and gave them each a set, which they obviously did not like and went on to advocate for something else they wanted! ‘Well, why didn’t you pick that in the first place?’ I thought and then we moved on the next task that was reading a book before bed. Except, I realized, it was too close to bed time, all the activities already took about 45 mins and now we’re too close to delivery. So I spent another 15 mins explaining and arguing why we shouldn’t read a book and then next 10 mins reading a small book anyways. I was finally able to turn off the lights. But now they also wanted me to tell them a story. By this time, I was stressed, burnt out and felt un-accomplished! Also, by this time, my husband finished everything he had to downstairs and was already relaxing in bed! He felt so accomplished and in peace.

‘WHAT THE ****?!’ I thought. In that moment I realized that my attempt to fix everything around me, really, honestly, had nothing to do with my TRUE ONE GOAL — Put my kids to bed in time! I could have easily made the choice to delegate the other important stuff, to not help clear the table (I wasn’t asked to anyway!) or underdeliver on all those other chores, which were soo not important. I could have easily made the choice to focus completely and proudly on just spending time with my children, gamify the process, enjoyed their little conversations and yet put them in bed on or before time! That night I realized that when I try to have it all, I instead BECOME this ‘do it all queen’.

At home, this is my home! I lead and I choose what I think is right. But the pressures I put on myself affect me at home and affect my work life too. Most leaders would appreciate me for my efforts. Yet, at the same time, I might get passed for important initiatives just because ‘my main delivery was delayed’ or I came across as stressed. That is a scary thought. I can also think of at least half a dozen women who are rockstars at what they do. Yet, they struggle in leveling up at work day in and day out, partly because we think we’re not seen enough despite our efforts. In part, I realized mine was a bit self inflicted due to pursuit of perfection.

That moment taught me that each day every day, I must exercise my power to choose the work that helps my career, add to my resume and to my accomplishments I can highlight at work. This meant helping others, building connections and trust at work but after producing the outcome I am supposed to focus on. This meant giving myself more grace and time to my end goals. This meant shamelessly asking for help where I needed it instead of thinking where can I help first. Because my goals are equally important to the company! This was not new information, my mentor had once said this to me — yet, in practice that day I realized exactly what she’d meant.

That was a defining moment for me and it helped me tune into my inner lady boss who gets things done. So that day, I made a promise to myself to give me some space — let go of this discomfort around un-organized surroundings and always give my first focus on my main, key goal. I now no longer worry about what’s not, but focus on what is and where I want to go from here. I take peace and pleasure in finding simple solutions to solve problems, instead of conflating the already simple ones.

Tell me, talk to me if you ever feel the same too!